Attempting to Move Forward

How do you know when it is time to move on? No, no, no... no more relationship blather from me. How do you know when it is time to move on and away from a job or position that you hold?

I had been struggling with leaving my volunteer position at the women's shelter for some time. I felt that I had gained as much knowledge from my position as I could. I loved the staff and I loved the kids who I spent time with there. However, after nearly 6 months of volunteering, it became obvious that there was no more room to learn or advance- especially after the director told me that even though I was an ideal candidate for their current job posting, I would not get the job because I did not have a vehicle. Therefore, I made the decision that I had gotten everything out of the position that I could and told them it was time for me to move on. They understood, wished me well, and agreed to be a new reference for me.

I am now faced with a much harder decision. How do I move on from a job that is not teaching me new skills and there is no room for me to move up? It is a much more difficult decision since this position helps to pay my bills. I am not challenged at this job and any decisions I make are second-guessed. I want to find a new workplace where I can learn and grow. But, I'm scared that I won't be able to find one and I will be broke trying to find one.

I would be happy with a part time position to compliment my weekend job. Then I could quit the other 2 jobs I still hold. I'm looking, but the market is tight, especially for people just out of school.

Wish me luck!

Bad Things About Not Having a Full Time Job

#3. If you piss off the lady that does the scheduling, your shifts get cut in half.

No One is Invited to My 27th Birthday Party

Ok! Back to regular posting! I miss my little blog and the few commenters that I have.


It was my 26th birthday a couple of weeks ago.

I am not a fan of birthdays. Ever since I turned 20 my birthdays have been, let's just say, disappointing. I usually tell the couple of people I really like what I'm planning on doing and they go along for the ride. In the past I have gone to bars, baseball games, on boat rides, dinners, etc.

This year I decided to ignore my birthday for the most part. Day of the big 2-6, I slept most of the day. Got a few gifts from my close friends and went shopping. I received no phone calls. I received 2 Facebook messages- one from my brother that simply said "happy birthday"(which is an odd situation in itself) and one from my father. I called my mother as she had surgery the day before. My birthday was like any other day. No cake. No candles. No celebration.

I decided that I wanted to have some fun, so the following Friday I planned a small fiesta. Dinner, drinks, and cake. Out of the 29 people I invited out for drinks on a Friday night... 3 showed up. Four including me! I can't say I'm surprised. I knew it would be along those lines.

What ever happened to the time when everyone went to everyone's birthday parties. If you weren't invited, you got upset. The birthday boy/girl could even threaten to dis-invite you and you were actually concerned that they would do it! People couldn't wait to buy you gifts and they couldn't wait to play with you on your special day. Now, no one wants to play with you on your special day. They are all out of town or working or too tired. However, they expect you to come to their parties.

I've decided I am not going to anyone's bullshit parties anymore. Why do I show up to parties and birthdays and fundraising functions and no one comes to mine? I'm done being social. I am declaring myself akin to the bitter ol' hermit whose yard kids run past on the way home from school. Screw you guys and your Facebook events, I will forever be "not attending".

All kidding aside though, as you get older there is no doubt that you lose friends and it only gets harder to make new ones. When events like this occur and your eyes are opened as to who is really there for you it can be sad, but it is also nice to see who is beside you when your eyes do finally open. I had a wonderful surprise that night when someone I did not expect showed up and it was wonderful to chat with him after so long.

In my own humble opinion- birthday parties should be outlawed after the age of 18.

Long Overdue Update

On July 31st, I moved out of the apartment I shared with my long time fiance. It was very unexpected and difficult for me. I moved in with an amazing friend who let me sleep in her living room while I figured out what exactly I was going to do about find a place to live. I slept on an air mattress for a month and lived out of Rubbermaid containers.

I went to go see many apartments- some nice, some horrible, some with bed bug problems, others without. I looked at places far from my old home with my Mister. I looked at another across the street from him.

I finally decided on a bachelor apartment with a lot of storage just down the street from 2 of my jobs. It includes hydro. It's a short bus ride or a 40 minute walk to my old apartment. I'm starting to think about things that I need. I need a bed! I need a table. I need so many things that it is a little scary to think about when I move in I will have next to nothing. But that's ok. I plan to make my new apartment colorful. Very colorful. I want it to echo a happy life. If the apartment is cheery, maybe I can be too.

Speaking of new things... I did not mention... I got a new job. It is only a part time term position but it is a great opportunity for me. I am working as a residential care worker in a 28 day rehab facility for women. It is a crown corporation, so I am basically with the government right now. It also mean that it is the most I have ever made hourly :) I have already worked 3 training shifts and people think that I am excelling- I've admitted people, discharged people, ran a group, written logs, dispensed meds, and more. The women are all cookoo crazy, but I can get along with them. My next shift is an overnight from 11pm til 7am. Wish me luck on that one. I've done it before at a shelter I worked at and I was okay. Although, this place is a lot more quiet than the homeless shelter.

While writing this blog I kept thinking that it seems like I am moving on. I'm not moving on so much as shifting. Shifting spaces, shifting paradigms. When one door closes... another opens... I'm keeping things from my old life, but I am also letting things go. I hope those things I want to keep in my life want the same thing. Those things should contemplate a pardigm shift of their own.

The Situation

Currently homeless... and not the cool kind of homeless like the junkies who walk barefoot all day with scary dogs, dirty hair, and really good tans.

Chesterisms

More and more everyday I feel like this little dog, Chester.

Chester is constantly trying to impress Spike, trying to get Spike to play with him, trying so hard to get any sort of attention or positive reinforcement from his hero. He thinks of things that Spike may like to do and offers them. He would even go as far as fetching Spike a bone or beating up a cat. All this work for a little bit of quality time spent with someone he likes.

I feel like everyday I have to fight for attention from those around me, whether it be from employers, potential employers, family or friends, even the goddamn cat won't hang out with me. In my head I'm always saying "Look at Me!" and no one even bats an eye. In all my Chester-esque glory I try harder. "Look what I CAN DO!" Backflips! Juggle oranges! I'm seeing the crowd yawn now... I start to wonder "what's wrong with me?" I slip into that mind set and think "why not me?" or "when will it happen to me?" or even "when will that damn cat learn to hug me?"

However, in the end, little man Chester gets his just desserts. If you remember this cartoon- Chester ends up beating up the cat when Spike is unable to. Chester becomes Spike's hero and the tables turn. Spike begs for Chester's attention. The roles in my life have yet to switch. I have no one begging for my attention as I give it freely in hopes of getting some in return. Maybe I think that by putting myself out there, the chance of a good return is better? A single person cannot give constantly and not receive. This post may make me sound needy, but people are social beings. We need interaction and positive vibes to make us feel part of something. Right now, I don't feel like I am a part of anything. I feel isolated. I feel like coaxing the cat into a conversation with me because he is the most likely one to talk to me as of late.

When attention is lacking in life's relationships how do you know it is time to move on?

Reference Frustration

I am very frustrated today.

I have a potential job offer on the table from the job that I interviewed for on July 2nd. They called me this morning and told me they had been trying to get a hold of my references since July 6th. That is 3 whole weeks! I could have had this job 3 weeks ago but my references seem to be avoiding her phone calls.

One reference, a previous boss, I am going to take off my resume completely. Her title looks good, but she is just not accessible.

Another reference, a coworker/supervisor has been able to get in touch with my potential employer and was actively trying. Thank you!

The last one seems to be avoiding all contact. I wonder why...

Have you ever had problems with references? Who are the best people to use?

Paradigm Life Shift

When you are in your twenties it seems like life is always changing- you are moving, traveling, every school year is different, you get new jobs, new friends, new boy/girlfriends, etc. Your paradigm is never really a paradigm- life is never the same, so how do you know when it is shifting?

The last paradigm shift that I felt in my life was leaving my mother's home- that was 7 years ago. I went from feeling like a child to feeling like an adult. I went from being *somewhat* cared for to caring for myself. That was a wonderful change for me, it made me independent and encouraged me to budget my money.

I woke up today and felt another finite shift in my life. I am moving, yet again. This will be move 7.0, but it is a very different move. I am moving to an apartment where it will be just me. Only me. Alone. That's it.

My life is going from being a duo to being a solo act, in a sense, without a break up or parting of ways. I have been feeling for a long time that I need a heightened amount of independence. I want to know that I can do it on my own. I want to show other people that I can do it. I don't want to have to depend on anyone- not that I really had been.

Paradigms, they are funny little bastards. They can make your life good, bad, or just plain different. How has your paradigm shifted lately?

The Importance of Being

Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in life's day-to-day. You have bills to pay, groceries to buy, a home to keep up with, and relationships to juggle. It's also easy to get caught up in how those daily life struggles make you feel- maybe you are overwhelmed or worrisome. Confused or concerned about how things are going or how they will turn out in the future. Understandably so, life can be a downer when you let all these things get to you.

I complain a lot about not having a full time job. I complain that I have very little money. Those are the things that bother me the most right now, but... when I think about it- those shouldn't be the most important things in my life. They shouldn't make me feel so bad. I shouldn't let those things interfere with how I want to live my life. It's true what they say, life is short.

Lately, I have been thinking about what is really important to me. I have enough money to sustain myself. I can put a roof over my head and food in my belly. I can get myself around town easily enough with my resources. I have spare time to cook and clean and enjoy the summer. If I wanted to, I could up and leave this city to start anew. I'm not tied down by a 9-5 and I kind of like that.

If money and jobs are less important to me then what is important? I've been thinking about this a lot and the most important thing in life to me is love. I know, it seems so corny and something that you would never expect from a pessimist like me but... being loved and giving love- that's all I want on this whole Earth. I want to feel loved and give my love to someone who will accept it fully. There can't be anything better than that feeling. A job can't give you that. Money can't buy it. Love doesn't care if you've been to University or College. If you have found love, don't let go of it.

What is the most important thing to you?

Robo-Interviewers

I had an interview this morning with a Crown corporation that deals with people who have addictions.

The interview was intensely structured. They gave me paper and a pen to write the questions down if I needed to remember parts of them. They provided me with water and a job description. They also told me that they had read my resume, but to talk about myself like they knew nothing about me- that was the strangest part. They scrawled my answers hastily on their question sheets. I had no positive response, no follow up questions, just robotic faces staring back at me. I don't even know if they liked the answers, thought I was funny, or knew I was an idiot when I walked in.

What threw me off the most was there was no "tell us about yourself" question to put me at ease. They dove right into "Tell us about a time when you dealt with a suicidal client". Holy Crow! The interview has already started? Wait a second, I have barely sat down! It's 9:30am and you're making me talk about all the dealings I've had with suicide in the past 5 years. Oh geez. Where is the door? The next 45 minutes had me talking about safety, crisis, past situations, addictions, more suicide, physical and verbal threats/abuse among other fun things!

The Robo-Interviewers seemed nice when I asked questions and talked casually at the end though. I told them that it was my anniversary today and they laughed that I was spending it with them. So, not total robots.

All in all, I did the best I could answering the questions. I don't think I did great. I don't necessarily think that I will get this job, but it is always nice to get an interview to boost your drowning spirit that has gone months without a phone call from a job.

They want to contact all my previous and current employers as well as friends that I specify. I will also have a criminal check and child abuse check done. All this "at the time of job offer".



P.S. What do you think of crop pants for an interview? Oh yes, I did. I thought I looked nice & business casual.