Wednesday, July 28, 2010


More and more everyday I feel like this little dog, Chester.

Chester is constantly trying to impress Spike, trying to get Spike to play with him, trying so hard to get any sort of attention or positive reinforcement from his hero. He thinks of things that Spike may like to do and offers them. He would even go as far as fetching Spike a bone or beating up a cat. All this work for a little bit of quality time spent with someone he likes.

I feel like everyday I have to fight for attention from those around me, whether it be from employers, potential employers, family or friends, even the goddamn cat won't hang out with me. In my head I'm always saying "Look at Me!" and no one even bats an eye. In all my Chester-esque glory I try harder. "Look what I CAN DO!" Backflips! Juggle oranges! I'm seeing the crowd yawn now... I start to wonder "what's wrong with me?" I slip into that mind set and think "why not me?" or "when will it happen to me?" or even "when will that damn cat learn to hug me?"

However, in the end, little man Chester gets his just desserts. If you remember this cartoon- Chester ends up beating up the cat when Spike is unable to. Chester becomes Spike's hero and the tables turn. Spike begs for Chester's attention. The roles in my life have yet to switch. I have no one begging for my attention as I give it freely in hopes of getting some in return. Maybe I think that by putting myself out there, the chance of a good return is better? A single person cannot give constantly and not receive. This post may make me sound needy, but people are social beings. We need interaction and positive vibes to make us feel part of something. Right now, I don't feel like I am a part of anything. I feel isolated. I feel like coaxing the cat into a conversation with me because he is the most likely one to talk to me as of late.

When attention is lacking in life's relationships how do you know it is time to move on?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Reference Frustration

I am very frustrated today.

I have a potential job offer on the table from the job that I interviewed for on July 2nd. They called me this morning and told me they had been trying to get a hold of my references since July 6th. That is 3 whole weeks! I could have had this job 3 weeks ago but my references seem to be avoiding her phone calls.

One reference, a previous boss, I am going to take off my resume completely. Her title looks good, but she is just not accessible.

Another reference, a coworker/supervisor has been able to get in touch with my potential employer and was actively trying. Thank you!

The last one seems to be avoiding all contact. I wonder why...

Have you ever had problems with references? Who are the best people to use?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Paradigm Life Shift

When you are in your twenties it seems like life is always changing- you are moving, traveling, every school year is different, you get new jobs, new friends, new boy/girlfriends, etc. Your paradigm is never really a paradigm- life is never the same, so how do you know when it is shifting?

The last paradigm shift that I felt in my life was leaving my mother's home- that was 7 years ago. I went from feeling like a child to feeling like an adult. I went from being *somewhat* cared for to caring for myself. That was a wonderful change for me, it made me independent and encouraged me to budget my money.

I woke up today and felt another finite shift in my life. I am moving, yet again. This will be move 7.0, but it is a very different move. I am moving to an apartment where it will be just me. Only me. Alone. That's it.

My life is going from being a duo to being a solo act, in a sense, without a break up or parting of ways. I have been feeling for a long time that I need a heightened amount of independence. I want to know that I can do it on my own. I want to show other people that I can do it. I don't want to have to depend on anyone- not that I really had been.

Paradigms, they are funny little bastards. They can make your life good, bad, or just plain different. How has your paradigm shifted lately?

Friday, July 16, 2010

The Importance of Being

Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in life's day-to-day. You have bills to pay, groceries to buy, a home to keep up with, and relationships to juggle. It's also easy to get caught up in how those daily life struggles make you feel- maybe you are overwhelmed or worrisome. Confused or concerned about how things are going or how they will turn out in the future. Understandably so, life can be a downer when you let all these things get to you.

I complain a lot about not having a full time job. I complain that I have very little money. Those are the things that bother me the most right now, but... when I think about it- those shouldn't be the most important things in my life. They shouldn't make me feel so bad. I shouldn't let those things interfere with how I want to live my life. It's true what they say, life is short.

Lately, I have been thinking about what is really important to me. I have enough money to sustain myself. I can put a roof over my head and food in my belly. I can get myself around town easily enough with my resources. I have spare time to cook and clean and enjoy the summer. If I wanted to, I could up and leave this city to start anew. I'm not tied down by a 9-5 and I kind of like that.

If money and jobs are less important to me then what is important? I've been thinking about this a lot and the most important thing in life to me is love. I know, it seems so corny and something that you would never expect from a pessimist like me but... being loved and giving love- that's all I want on this whole Earth. I want to feel loved and give my love to someone who will accept it fully. There can't be anything better than that feeling. A job can't give you that. Money can't buy it. Love doesn't care if you've been to University or College. If you have found love, don't let go of it.

What is the most important thing to you?

Friday, July 2, 2010


I had an interview this morning with a Crown corporation that deals with people who have addictions.

The interview was intensely structured. They gave me paper and a pen to write the questions down if I needed to remember parts of them. They provided me with water and a job description. They also told me that they had read my resume, but to talk about myself like they knew nothing about me- that was the strangest part. They scrawled my answers hastily on their question sheets. I had no positive response, no follow up questions, just robotic faces staring back at me. I don't even know if they liked the answers, thought I was funny, or knew I was an idiot when I walked in.

What threw me off the most was there was no "tell us about yourself" question to put me at ease. They dove right into "Tell us about a time when you dealt with a suicidal client". Holy Crow! The interview has already started? Wait a second, I have barely sat down! It's 9:30am and you're making me talk about all the dealings I've had with suicide in the past 5 years. Oh geez. Where is the door? The next 45 minutes had me talking about safety, crisis, past situations, addictions, more suicide, physical and verbal threats/abuse among other fun things!

The Robo-Interviewers seemed nice when I asked questions and talked casually at the end though. I told them that it was my anniversary today and they laughed that I was spending it with them. So, not total robots.

All in all, I did the best I could answering the questions. I don't think I did great. I don't necessarily think that I will get this job, but it is always nice to get an interview to boost your drowning spirit that has gone months without a phone call from a job.

They want to contact all my previous and current employers as well as friends that I specify. I will also have a criminal check and child abuse check done. All this "at the time of job offer".

P.S. What do you think of crop pants for an interview? Oh yes, I did. I thought I looked nice & business casual.